Jab’s Builds! (Miss Piggy! The Swedish Chef! Sweetums! Gonzo!)

Where in all of your character write ups will go.
Jabroniville
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Anna

Post by Jabroniville »

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"No, WHY?! Why do you shut me out? Why do you shut the WORLD out? WHAT ARE YOU SO AFRAID OF?!"
-Anna, to Elsa after being refused permission to marry a man she just met


ANNA
Played by:
Kristen Bell
Role: Disney Princess, Goofy Girl
PL 4 (55), PL 5 (55) Defenses
STRENGTH
1 STAMINA 2 AGILITY 3
FIGHTING 6 DEXTERITY 2
INTELLIGENCE 0 AWARENESS 0 PRESENCE 3

Skills:
Athletics 1 (+2)
Expertise (Singing) 4 (+7)
Perception 2 (+2)
Persuasion 2 (+5)
Stealth 1 (+4)

Advantages:
Improved Critical (Unarmed), Improvised Weapon, Ranged Attack 4

Offense:
Unarmed +6 (+1 Damage, DC 16)
Initiative +3

Defenses:
Dodge +5 (DC 15), Parry +6 (DC 16), Toughness +2, Fortitude +4, Will +6

Complications:
Relationship (Elsa)- Anna & Elsa loved playing together as children, but then one day, Elsa simply closed herself off without explaining why. Anna has longed for a relationship with her sister ever since (especially once their parents died, three years prior to now), and does not understand why this is impossible. When Elsa runs off and threatens all of Arendelle, Anna thinks nothing of her own safety, and runs off after her, feeling a combination of desperate attention and anger to the sister who forced her apart.
Responsibility (Naiive)- Having been closed off from the world during most of her childhood, Anna has a child's idea about much of the world, believing it a simple place where love comes quickly and easily. It isn't until she meets Olaf when she learns that love is about doing something for another, even if it hurts you to do it.
Relationship (Hans)- It's love at first sight for Anna and the handsome-but-clumsy 13-in-line for the throne of The Southern Islands. After an instant connection, they try to get married, but Elsa disallows it.
Relationship (Kristoff)- Anna is forced to team up with the burly, odd, sarcastic Ice Salesman to find her missing sister.
Temper- Anna is swift to anger, even if something else is much more dangerous than she is. She gladly comes out swinging at a pack of wolves, and even threatens a 16-foot Snow Monster.
Motivation (Curing Her Frozen Heart)- When Anna's heart is frozen by Elsa, only "An Act of True Love" can thaw it. So she begs Kristoff to take her back to Arendelle, where she can be thawed by a "True Love's Kiss" from Hans.

Total: Abilities: 34 / Skills: 10--5 / Advantages: 6 / Powers: 0 / Defenses: 10 (55)

Anna- The Third-Most Popular Character:
-Anna (pronounced in the "Awn-a" style) is a bit of a rarity in the Disney Princess Franchise- a goofy weirdo who's not overly great at anything. Her character takes more than a little bit from Rapunzel and some of the other Princesses of course- even during the Renaissance, Disney was pretty bad at copying traits from one female character to the next- the "Wanting More" cliche has been replaced with the girls being quirky, socially-awkward and bizarre. It makes them quite a bit more identifiable to the modern breed of female than the '90s girls' Utter Perfection In All Things, but it wasn't entirely odd even then to have goofy-girls. Ariel had a good bit of girlish weirdness in her (but was MUCH more petulant), and Mulan was as complete failure at first, only developing later.

-So Disney isn't exactly hamstrung by the tired old "Strong Female Protagonist" thing that makes sure all women are flawless wonders, being unafraid to make the girls quirky. Kristen Bell (looking to make a comeback after her career basically stalled right the hell out post-Veronica Mars. I blame her having smaller eyes, since Hollywood is ALL ABOUT skinny girls with gigantic eyes these days) even admitted that she deliberately wanted to make Anna represent the modern girl by being a bit of a screw-up. Bell's a surprisingly-good singer, hitting all the high notes, but like I said, most of the movie's songs are a bit more forgettable, and she comes across as a "Generic Princess" in voice. Bell has a really funny, cute voice for all of the comedic scenes where Anna tends to babble, but falters a bit when it comes to the dramatic moments. I didn't see enough of Mars to know if she has the skills to play dramatic, but I'm gonna say she's more of a funny actress than a serious one just off of this film. And it's not for nothing that despite being the MAIN CHARACTER, she is only the third-most-popular character in it, behind both her sister and a snowman.

Anna The Adorbz One:
-Alas, I find her design a bit dull. She's cute and wide-eyed and all, but they basically transplanted their Rapunzel character with different hair. Her outfits don't particularly stand out either- I can't imagine what her Official Princess Dress will look like- most of the other girls use sparklier versions of their Iconic Outfits that everyone can notice at a glance, but Anna takes a big backseat to her sister's glory here. Even so... I think she's a bit unfortunate in having been forgotten by many fans in favour of her sister. She's a GOOD CHARACTER, and absurdly-cute throughout the entire film. Her petulant behavior with Kristoff is absolutely ADORABLE, and she's just so endearing, and it's actually kind of neat to have such a flawed heroine learn something by the end of the movie.

-Though Elsa is the runaway success of the movie, Anna has actually managed a bit of a comeback in recent years, as her cuteness IS really endearing. Many gifs have been made of her adorable expressions and cute, perky smile, with a particularly common one being her "cheering face", where she straight-up pumps her fists like a little kid. I think an underrated moment is when she buys Kristoff's climbing supplies, then demands he take her to the North Mountain. When he finally agrees and says they'll go the next morning, she goes "No... we leave now. RIGHT now." with this great, unconvincing attempt at being "take charge", complete with a measured re-attempt at a forceful pose. Anna's cheerful demeanor and caring nature has made her really popular, and though not the phenomenon that Elsa is, Anna is VERY popular with little girls.

-She's just HILARIOUS and super-endearing in For The First Time In Forever, running around the castle like a little kid, dreaming about handsome men, accidentally throwing a bust into a cake, shoving chocolate into her face, and accidentally whapping herself in the mouth with a curtain's drawstring. And the strength of character she shows in the movie's finale is remarkable- you can FEEL the agony in her heart from being slowly frozen to death, and she can see the instrument of her salvation when Kristoff arrives... but she finds the strength to ignore him and move on to save Elsa from Hans's sword. This sacrifice was an INCREDIBLE bit of movie-making.

Post-Frozen Anna:
-Anna's usage in the stuff set after the movie is interesting- she acts largely the same in Frozen Fever, but takes a motherly, concerned look at an increasingly-sick Elsa ("Okay, to BED with you"). Her giant, wide-eyed reaction to the Snowgies ("WOWWWW!") is super-meme-able, though. Olaf's Frozen Adventure and the books & comics set after the movie use her more as a Generic Friendly Disney Princess, where she's more restrained and calm. Kind of less fun, in a way.

Anna's Stats:
-Anna is actually the most inept Disney Princess by a ways. She lacks the poise, social grace, charisma, intelligence, athleticism (her hilariously-bad attempt at climbing a mountainside is a notable example of a pretty mediocre Athletics Skill) and ability to speak to animals of her peers in the Princess Franchise, but makes up for it in sheer pluck and determination. She's actually a pretty remarkable fighter, though- she's really good with makeshift weapons, helping to fend off a pack of wolves (apparently getting lost on their way from The Beast's castle) that are really just there to give the young boys some action to look at in the trailer. She's still got a good bit of willpower (she keeps going despite INTENSE agony when Elsa's errant blast freezes her heart and begins to freeze her solid) and a willingness to sacrifice herself for someone she loves (as Olaf pointed out).

About the Performer: Kristen Bell is a fairly minor celebrity, being somewhat known, but was largely introduced from a TV series with a Doom Patrol Fandom (Veronica Mars), and has the unfortunate luck of being completey upstaged in TWO major films- despite being the named character in Forgetting Sarah Marshall, she was only the 4th-most-popular character, with Mila Kunis taking her thunder (and becoming a much bigger star) and Russell Brand becoming a flash in the pan off of it. And of course, Frozen, in which she was the biggest celebrity star... but got completely upstaged by the Broadway performer playing her sister. Despite the shitty luck in her career, she still gets a lot of work- despite being in her late 30s, she still resembles a young woman (owing to clear skin and tiny figure). She was in the Bad Moms franchise, and was in a pair of recent TV shows, too- House of Lies lasted for five years before being axed (by low-tier network Showtime), and she's currently in The Good Place (which I've never heard of, but has lasted a couple of years). She kind of missed out on the current craze of "Tiny Actresses" for the reasons I mentioned above (small eyes, plus she's blonde instead of dark-haired, which is currently way-in).
Last edited by Jabroniville on Wed Oct 24, 2018 7:43 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Jab’s Builds (Wreck-It Ralph! Turbo! Sofia & Elena! FROZEN!!!)

Post by Davies »

Am I really the only person who looked at Hans and immediately said, "Okay, this guy is clearly up to something"?
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Re: Jab’s Builds (Wreck-It Ralph! Turbo! Sofia & Elena! FROZEN!!!)

Post by Ken »

I've never seen Frozen. I'm not sure who would be more shocked by this fact: Jab or my nieces.
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Re: Jab’s Builds (Wreck-It Ralph! Turbo! Sofia & Elena! FROZEN!!!)

Post by drkrash »

I also have never seen Frozen. I'm not opposed to seeing it, but I have no pressing desire to see it.
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Re: Jab’s Builds (Wreck-It Ralph! Turbo! Sofia & Elena! FROZEN!!!)

Post by Shock »

*raises hand*

My name is Shock and I'm posting in Jab's thread but have never seen Frozen
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Re: Jab’s Builds (Wreck-It Ralph! Turbo! Sofia & Elena! FROZEN!!!)

Post by Woodclaw »

Ken wrote: Mon Oct 22, 2018 7:44 pm I've never seen Frozen. I'm not sure who would be more shocked by this fact: Jab or my nieces.
drkrash wrote: Mon Oct 22, 2018 8:07 pm I also have never seen Frozen. I'm not opposed to seeing it, but I have no pressing desire to see it.
Shock wrote: Mon Oct 22, 2018 8:58 pm *raises hand*

My name is Shock and I'm posting in Jab's thread but have never seen Frozen
Good to know that I'm not alone :P
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Jabroniville
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Re: Jab’s Builds (Wreck-It Ralph! Turbo! Sofia & Elena! FROZEN!!!)

Post by Jabroniville »

I have never been so enraged as I am right now.

All my hype, all my praise... and you dinks have never even sought out the movie??

This is unforgivable :P.
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Re: Jab’s Builds (Wreck-It Ralph! Turbo! Sofia & Elena! FROZEN!!!)

Post by Tattooedman »

Woodclaw wrote: Mon Oct 22, 2018 9:00 pm
Ken wrote: Mon Oct 22, 2018 7:44 pm I've never seen Frozen. I'm not sure who would be more shocked by this fact: Jab or my nieces.
drkrash wrote: Mon Oct 22, 2018 8:07 pm I also have never seen Frozen. I'm not opposed to seeing it, but I have no pressing desire to see it.
Shock wrote: Mon Oct 22, 2018 8:58 pm *raises hand*

My name is Shock and I'm posting in Jab's thread but have never seen Frozen
Good to know that I'm not alone :P
Nope, not alone at all. Because somehow with 2, count them - 2! teenaged daughters I've not seen Frozen either.
Jabroniville wrote: Tue Jul 13, 2021 11:45 pm
LOl- "The Tattooed Man"? What kind of ABSOLUTE DILDO would refer to himself as "The Tattooed Man" :P!?!
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Re: Jab’s Builds (Wreck-It Ralph! Turbo! Sofia & Elena! FROZEN!!!)

Post by HalloweenJack »

I too have not seen Frozen. I've never even listened to "Let It Go"
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Re: Jab’s Builds (Wreck-It Ralph! Turbo! Sofia & Elena! FROZEN!!!)

Post by Ares »

Part of me wants to encourage you guys to stop before you crush Jab's soul.

The rest of me is cackling both evilly and loudly.
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Jabroniville
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Re: Jab’s Builds (Wreck-It Ralph! Turbo! Sofia & Elena! FROZEN!!!)

Post by Jabroniville »

Ares wrote: Mon Oct 22, 2018 9:49 pm Part of me wants to encourage you guys to stop before you crush Jab's soul.

The rest of me is cackling both evilly and loudly.
That’s it- * finds terabytes of incestuous Avatar: The Last Airbender porn- sends to Ares*
Jabroniville
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Kristoff

Post by Jabroniville »

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Anna: "I LIKE fast!" *puts her feet up on the sleigh*
Kristoff: "WOAH WOAH WOAH- this is fresh laquer! What, were you raised in a barn?"


KRISTOFF BJORGMAN
Played by:
Jonathan Groff
Role: Quirky Loner, Valiant Pungent Reindeer King
PL 5 (70)
STRENGTH
2 STAMINA 4 AGILITY 2
FIGHTING 5 DEXTERITY 2
INTELLIGENCE 1 AWARENESS 2 PRESENCE 0

Skills:
Athletics 8 (+10)
Deception 2 (+2)
Expertise (Ice Salesman) 8 (+9)
Expertise (Survival) 6 (+8)
Expertise (Singing) 5 (+5)
Insight 1 (+3)
Perception 2 (+4)

Advantages:
Equipment 2 (Rad Sled, Climbing Gear), Skill Mastery (Ice Salesman), Sidekick 9 (Sven)

Offense:
Unarmed +5 (+2 Damage, DC 17)
Initiative +2

Defenses:
Dodge +4 (DC 14), Parry +5 (DC 15), Toughness +4, Fortitude +5, Will +5

Complications:
Relationship (Sven)- Sven is Kristoff's only friend, and his companion since childhood. He even has "conversations" with Sven, doing the reindeer's voice, which is actually pretty close to what Sven means.
Responsibility (Odd)- See above- he talks to reindeer. He even has a song called "Reindeer are Better Than People". He was also raised by Rock Trolls, and Olaf has no problem believing Kristoff is crazy when he sees the guy talking to a circle full of seemingly-inanimate stones.
Responsibility (Loner)- Kristoff doesn't feel the need to talk to many people, and seems to not care for them that much (he thinks they've a bunch of cheats out for themselves). He only hangs around this weird Princess on her bizarre quest because she paid for his new gear, and an Ice Salesman isn't going to have a lot of success in an Eternal Winter.
Relationship (Anna)- They bicker a bit to begin with, as Anna is talkative and energetic, while Kristoff is grumpy, lazy and a loner. You can pretty much figure out where things go from there.
Motivation (Selling Ice)- Kristoff loves and admires ice. When he witnesses Elsa's massive Ice Palace, he basically has a religious experience, fighting off tears at its beauty.

Total: Abilities: 36 / Skills: 32--16 / Advantages: 12 / Powers: 0 / Defenses: 6 (70)

Kristoff- Weirdo Male Lead:
-Kristoff is pretty much the male lead of Frozen, and is certainly a rare kind of protagonist for such a role. Unlike most Disney Heroes, he's a burly, big-nosed lunk of a man, and more grumpy and weird that charming & funny. He's a bit sarcastic and easily-annoyed (especially by Anna's ranting), and tends to only have a good relationship with his reindeer, Sven. Female fans seem to like him, though- big noses are "in" with girls (a lot of the modern male sex symbols have a very pronounced nose- Adam Levine, Bradley Cooper & Ryan Gosling are all basically clones of each other), and his burliness gives him a more manly silhouette than the thinner boys like Prince Eric & Aladdin.

-Kristoff is a quirky outsider (himself a bit like Elsa in that regard), raised by Rock Trolls after he was orphaned (somehow, I guess), who talks to Sven, his Reindeer Sidekick, as if he's a real person, and doesn't get along with others. He initially refuses to help Anna (finding her annoying and inconsiderate), and even talks back to a Gigantic Swede, but he agrees to help her out when she's good enough to buy the ice-harvesting equipment he needs. He's fairly disinterested in the quest for a while (especially when wolves attack and his sled is ruined), but is convinced by Sven ("She'll DIE on her own!") to stick around even after Anna gives him permission to bail, and he comes to be very defensive of the girl. In one of the cuter bits, he starts getting protective, but shrinks back, since he knows she's engaged to someone else. But there's those bits where he tries to comfort her, but holds his hands back at the last second... or when he goes "... woah" when he sees her all decked out in Troll-ish matrimonial gear. It's cute, delicately-put stuff- he doesn't SING about his love for her, but you can read it on his face. He's so hopeless and sad about it, which is what makes it fun.

-Kristoff is arguably the least-talked-about character of the major Frozen cast, getting the lowest-end song (a short, humorous Reindeers Are Better Than People, which is barely a minute long and is mostly just him mimicking Sven), and having the least impact on the plot. People seem to LIKE him enough- he just lacks the impact of Elsa, Anna, Olaf and the villain of the picture. Personally, I liked him- his arguing with Anna was cute and funny, particularly because he seemed SO genuinely annoyed at her cavalier attitude towards everything- him being unable to let go of her quickie engagement ("Because I don't trust your judgement!" "Why not?" "Who gets ENGAGED to someone they only met THAT DAY?" "It's TRUE LOVE!"). It makes their "They Argue, But They Fall In Love" thing a lot more entertaining and even believable than that in The Princess and the Frog. Anna being dumbstruck to find that he actually fell in love with her was a nice bit, as was Sven basically FORCING him to go back to Arrendelle to rescue his girl.

Post-Frozen Kristoff:
-Both of the Animated Shorts to follow Frozen portray Kristoff as less grouchy and more WEIRD- engaging in Troll activities and making Troll foods. Basically, it's a running gag that he does gross things and people think he's odd- Olaf even pulls Anna aside and goes "You're a Princess, you know- you really don't have to settle". In Frozen Fever, Elsa's controlling micromanagement for Anna's surprise party leads him and Sven to suggest "She thinks you're an IDIOT...".

Kristoff's Stats:
-Kristoff isn't quite as physically capable as many Disney Heroes, but is still in pretty good shape. He's no match for Oaken, the Swedish Stereotype (remember kids- it's only racist to make fun of ethnic stereotypes and funny accents of people if they're NOT white!), nor the giant Snow Golem Elsa creates, but he's physically fit enough to be a great Ice Climber, help fend off some wolves (though Anna easily matches him), and more.

About the Performer: Jonathan Groff seems repeatedly just on the edge of being famous, but he's largely a Broadway performer, sitting at the sidelines of some major productions where a co-star got more attention- he got noticed for Spring Awakening, which made Lea Michelle a name... and he's King George III in Hamilton ("And I will KILL your friends and family to remind you of my LOVE... Dah dah dah dah DAHHHH dah dah dah dah dah..."), which of course made Lin-Manuel Miranda a name. His TV roles are pretty minor- Glee (again with Lea Michelle), Boss, Looking and Mindhunter. Kristoff is FAR AND AWAY his most famous character... but curiously, they never gave him a really solid song. Even the follow-ups feature almost no Kristoff singing!
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Re: Jab’s Builds (Sofia & Elena! FROZEN!!! Anna! Kristoff!)

Post by BriarThrone »

How the hell am I one of the few people who have actually consumed the media we're discussing? This never happens. And it's one of the biggest pop cultural phenomena? Whoa.

Frozen is distinctly worth watching, but I'm not the fan Jab is. Honestly, the movie almost lost me in the beginning. It was super-dense. Every individual element was well-crafted, but it was so packed full that I felt like I was sitting through a briefing. It eventually settled down into a better pacing, but it's basically a number of fantastically awesome elements assembled in such a way that it is less than the sum of its parts. But still really good.
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Re: Jab’s Builds (Sofia & Elena! FROZEN!!! Anna! Kristoff!)

Post by RainOnTheSun »

Frozen has that one really great song, but the rest I can take or leave. It has earned my burning enmity for the Olaf's Adventure short that played before Coco.

Elsa is great, though. Why hasn't she had her own comic yet? Seriously, superhero princess protecting her kingdom. Why hasn't this happened?
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Re: Jab’s Builds (Sofia & Elena! FROZEN!!! Anna! Kristoff!)

Post by Shock »

BriarThrone wrote: Tue Oct 23, 2018 12:52 am How the hell am I one of the few people who have actually consumed the media we're discussing? This never happens. And it's one of the biggest pop cultural phenomena? Whoa.

Frozen is distinctly worth watching, but I'm not the fan Jab is. Honestly, the movie almost lost me in the beginning. It was super-dense. Every individual element was well-crafted, but it was so packed full that I felt like I was sitting through a briefing. It eventually settled down into a better pacing, but it's basically a number of fantastically awesome elements assembled in such a way that it is less than the sum of its parts. But still really good.
I think the only Disney movie Jab's done so far that I've watched straight through is Robin Hood. I'm just not into musicals, animated or otherwise.
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