An unbiased viewpoint of the Kender race.
Typical Adult Height: 3'-4'
Birth Rate: 1-2 infants every 6 months
Lifespan: 0-20 (Child), 21-50 (Young Adult), 51-80 (Adult), 81-250 (Elder)
Sexual Dimorphism: Mammaries, size, less body hair and much more delicate features.
Skin Tones: Pink, brown, gray
Hair: Almost any naturally recurring colour (blonde, brown, black, red, gray, white)
Racial Mounts: Ponies, Dogs
Racial Weapons: Daggers, Short Swords
Religion: Kleptorum, God of Annoyance
Allies: The Darkest Demons Imaginable
PL 0: Commoner
PL 1-3: Common Kender
PL 4-5: Elites
Notes on Kender
-No species on all of Castellia is more hated than the Kender. An evil, soulless race, they were formed thousands of years ago by the monstrous Kleptorum, who gained power and prestige through the annoyed sighs and disgusted reactions of mortals. Therefore, he created an entire race for the sole purpose of being annoying to others- the more other beings rolled their eyes or screamed at Kender, the more power Kleptorum gained.
-Kender resemble Elves, Halflings and Fairies, having pointed ears and delicate features. Their methods of annoying others are numerous- typically, they will run headlong into trouble, endangering their teammates. They talk of nothing but "shiny things" to the exclusion of all other subjects. They act like annoying children, but without the cuteness. The uncover personal information, and then share it freely, embarrassing many. They steal things from their allies, but pretend this is a cultural thing and "we do not understand the concept of ownership", then act sad while expecting their teammates to apologize and thus respect "Kender culture" more.
-The typical Kender will demand attention, acting out until they get it, then pretend to act hurt by the angry reactions of others, in hopes of getting an apology- this allows them to annoy others even more. They attempted to spread rumors of heroic Kender whose kleptomania had in fact saved the universe, even suggesting one of the Eight Great Heroes was a Kender whose stolen magic item was central to the victory, but these were all lies.
-Eventually, Kender became the most hated race on all of Castellia. Countless Quester parties were killed by a Kender screaming "SHINYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!" and leaping after an important gem that was not to be touched. Many were slain when Kender teammates abandoned them to pet kitties or to do a funny dance. Others died when their important items were held "for safekeeping" by the party Kender. These instances began getting reported more and more, and eventually, the Kender race could no longer pretend "those Kender weren't doing it right".
-Kender were finally barred from all Questing parties with any sense. They were banned from most kingdoms, gatherings, and other places. Especially once a brave party discovered the true nature of the race- their quest to annoy and bring grief to others, and their vile God. Eventually, numerous other Gods combined their might to destroy Kleptorum once and for all (an unprecedented team-up which saw Hell Lords, Pure Goddesses and Dragon Kings united in one noble goal). Vast numbers of Kender were sacrificed to demons, and the race was reduced to a smattering of what it once was. In most places, Kender are killed on sight.
Interesting Facts About Kender:
* A race of Demons once invaded Castellia, promising they would not leave until they had captured 5 million souls. All of the other races banded together to gather as many Kender as they could, averting disaster.
* The only times Orcs and Dwarves will ally in war is against Kender.
* The Paladin's ban against torturing beings does not include Kender.
* In fact, more than one Paladin Order features this as a specific requirement of joining.
* Many Wizards are working together to create a potion that will render all Kender on Castellia sterile. Elves, Dark Elves, Demons and Humans are all working together on this.
Jab's Notes: You might have gleaned that I am not a fan of Kender. You will find many, MANY sources online which indicate similar viewpoints. This is because they were more or less created to appeal to annoying people- those who like to be the center of attention, but lack the social skills or cleverness to be really funny, and instead just act out and demand people pay attention to them. Descriptions of them online point out to the "Class Features" stuff, and just how annoying traits like "steal things from their teammates; pretend to forget they did it; suggest the teammates GAVE THEM the stuff" really are.
-There ends up being a lot of "Kender Apologists" for the same reason, suggesting "They're not doing it right!". My friends, who've read the Dragonlance books which introduced the race, suggest that the Tasslehoff character actually DOES behave in an annoying manner like this, and thus Kender players tend to follow his lead. But while what makes for an amusing character, because he annoys his teammates... will just annoy your fellow players in real life.
-Though I've never experienced this first-hand, the mere DESCRIPTION of the race from someone I knew told me all I really needed to know. She was dating a friend of mine, and went on about how "cute and funny" Kender were, explaining the "oh, you GAVE it to me!" nature of their kleptomania. And I turned to her boyfriend with a look like "REALLY?". He confided to me the whole "D&D players HATE Kender" thing, and mentioned how players tended to act as as attention-whores and "like annoying children", pointing out how immature people LOVED the class for that reason.
-A lot of players have told stories of "Why I'm no longer allowed to play a Kender". You might imagine why .
-Basically, the Kender race (which largely vanished in 3e; replaced by Halflings, which are more like Hobbits and treated more like ideal Thieves than annoying kids) is a big warning to game designers against making things that are deliberately meant to be annoying to others and cause "Wacky Antics". The kind of mistake George Lucas made when he created Jar-Jar Binks- non-stop antics are ANNOYING to most people, and a sign of immaturity and lack of awareness in others. Creating things like Kender (or Malkavians in "Vampire", or Crazies in "Rifts", who actually get TABLES for insanity) is a big mistake, because it leads to Memetic Hate after countless players have had to deal with their hideously annoying teammates.
-It's like... you can kind of make a guy like this in a movie or book, and it might work out okay. But handing players (many of whom may be socially awkward- I've been in a Sci-Fi Club, okay? I've seen it) a class that makes CLASS FEATURES out of "being random/annoying/childish" is a big, BIG mistake.
PL 3 (50)
Acrobatics 6 (+8)
Athletics 8 (+6)
Expertise (Survival) 2 (+3)
Perception 6 (+7)
Sleight of Hand 6 (+8)
Stealth 2 (+4, +8 Size)
Equipment (Dagger, Gear), Evasion, Improved Initiative, Ranged Attack 2
Senses 1 (Low-Light Vision) 
"Small Size" Shrinking 4 (Feats: Innate) (Extras: Permanent +0) 
(-1 Strength, +2 Defenses, +4 Stealth, -2 Intimidation)
Unarmed +4 (-2 Damage, DC 13)
Dagger +4 (-1 Damage, DC 14)
Dodge +7 (DC 17), Parry +7 (DC 17), Toughness -1, Fortitude +1, Will +3
Obsession (Being Annoying)- Whether it's by non-stop antics, pratfalls, acting like children, or stealing things from others and pretending it's a cultural trait, Kender are obsessed with annoying others.
Abilities: 12 / Skills: 30--15 / Advantages: 5 / Powers: 10 / Defenses: 8 (50)
Jab's Notes: Low stats for the most Satanic of creatures.