Random Ares Post Collection

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Random Ares Post Collection

Post by Ares » Tue Feb 04, 2020 4:23 pm

This is just going to be a place to store some of the posts I've made over the years. Things I've said that I find amusing that I don't want to be deleted, that sort of thing.

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Re: Random Ares Post Collection

Post by Ares » Tue Feb 04, 2020 4:25 pm

This was originally posted when the Justice League movie was announced, and I decided to poke fun at the differences between the DCEU and the MCU:

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And now, a hypothetical fight between the Marvel Cinematic Universe Avengers, and the DC Cinematic Universe Trinity.

*Thor and Superman are trading punches back and forth, until one punch sends Thor flying through a building. Thor sees the building is about to collapse, and that there are people still inside it, so he flies back to the damaged section and supports it himself to give the people time to evacuate. Superman blinks in surprise as Captain America interposes himself between Superman and Thor, shield up, ready to defend his teammate*

Superman: "What's he doing?"

Capt. America: "Who?"

Superman: "Your friend with the hammer. He's left himself completely exposed to attack. Why?"

Capt. America: *blinks in surprise* "He's . . . he's supporting the building."

Superman: "I can see that. But WHY is he doing it?"

Capt. America: "So that the building won't collapse."

Superman: "I don't follow."

Capt. America: *exasperated* "So if won't FALL on anyone! So the people inside can GET OUT SAFELY!"

Superman: *lightbulb goes on* "Oh! OOOOHHHHHHHHHH! I get it now! If you break stuff during a super-fight, it could fall or fly and hurt someone!"

Capt. America: *still exasperated* "YES."

Superman: "Wait, so you mean when I was punching Zod through buildings without checking them with my X-Ray Vision first, people were getting killed?"

Capt. America: "Probably. That skyscraper you dropped in the streets didn't help anything either."

Superman: "Oh. Wow, no wonder so many people were pissed at me. I need to tell this to Batman and Wonder Woman, this could do a lot to help our image."

*both turn to see Batman driving the Batmobile through the streets, cackling like a madman, running cars off the road, sending them flying into buildings, dragging several cars behind him on tow-cables, and intentionally driving at pedestrians*

Batman: "MARTHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Capt. America: "I think it's too late for that."

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Re: Random Ares Post Collection

Post by Ares » Tue Feb 04, 2020 4:38 pm

This was posted as a hypothetical CW Shazam series, back when the CW was just Arrow, Flash and Legends of Tomorrow

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So as not to derail the CW Flash thread but continue any discussion on the topic, here's a re-post of the idea I put forth there for a Power of Shazam/Captain Marvel three part crossover between Flash / Arrow and Legends of Tomorrow that would lead into a Power of Shazam series:

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Part 1 starts in The Flash, where Barry gets some unexpected guests at STAR Labs in the form of several members of the Legends of Tomorrow team, namely Snart, Prof. Stein, Jax and Kendra, along with Rip Hunter communicating via a monitor screen, and a talking humanoid tiger in a nice business suit. The tiger introduces himself as Mr. Tawny, and explains that he's an agent of the wizard Shazam, and that the wizard has learned that Vandal Savage has finally had enough of the Team interfering with him. So Savage decides to break out the big guns and use a ritual to bring forth the most powerful warrior history has ever seen: Black Adam.

Tawny further explains that Adam was the champion of the Wizard in ancient Egypt before he fell to the temptation to use his powers for evil. Shazam banished Adam to another dimensional prison, denying Adam access to the Rock of Eternity to prevent his escape. Savage, however, has an artifact that contains a fragment of the Rock of Eternity, and using it, Savage could return Adam to this world, and Shazam is currently too weak to send him back. Shazam is, in fact, dying, and had been gathering his energies to pass his powers on to his successor.

Tawny makes it clear that the heroes must keep Adam from returning, since the only thing Savage could use as leverage would be the life of Shazam's new champion. With Shazam and his heir dead, Adam would have control over the Rock of Eternity and be a living god on this world. When Hunter comments that the Rock of Eternity is just a legend, Tawny comments about the so-called 'Time Masters' being a bunch of pikers, temporal janitors arguing about how time should work, whereas the Wizard spent tens of thousands of years protecting the world from dangerous things beyond time, as well as mundane threats. The team eventually agrees and tries to intercept Savage before he can find the Eye of Eternity, the previously mentioned artifact. The rest of the Legends of Tomorrow will be working with Team Arrow to find Shazam's new champion, protecting him until he can be given his power.

The Eye of Eternity is, naturally, on loan to the Central City Museum, and while Snart wants to just steal the things themselves, the heroes decide to stake out the place and catch Savage when he attempts to obtain it. Only Savage has hired several unique criminals to obtain the artifact: Mirror Master, the Parasite and Ibac. The heroes brawl with the bad guys, and believe they've won, only to discover that the Eye in the display case is a hologram: Mirror Master made a switch sometime during the fight and got the item to Savage.

The Barry and some of the heroes work on tracking down Savage, while we get some personal time for folks like Prof. Stein (who visits his wife), while Cisco and Kendra talk and Cisco consoles her for the loss of Carter. Eventually they're able to track Savage down, but just as Savage is able to summon Adam, who proceeds to walk all over the team, handily defeating them and forcing them to retreat. Part 1 ends with Savage and Adam making their deal, while Tawny says now they need to protect Shazam's new champion: Billy Batson.

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Part 2 opens up on Arrow, with Ray, Sarah and Mick meeting up with Team Arrow, along with Rip Hunter again projecting himself via a monitor to reiterate what they told Team Flash. While the heroes in Part 1 will try to stall Adam, Team Arrow will find and protect Billy Batson. Looking up Billy they find out that he's a technically homeless 15 year old who's a minor celebrity in Fawcett City and the internet. Apparently he managed to scrounge together a laptop and discarded Iphone, and has started web-blogging and reporting on stuff in the city, touching on various social issues (not just the plight of the homeless), and uses a lot of the funds from advertisements on his site to rent out an old office building, trying to make it into a little community centre so that him and similar down on their luck folks have a place to stay, get cleaned up and do something, offering each other support. As such he's now got a minor reputation as a web-journalist and activist.

Ollie and the heroes head out to Fawcett under the guise of offering support to Billy community centre, giving the project and Billy some publicity and funding. Billy comes off as friendly, funny and likable, and it's clear he gives a lot of himself to the folks at the centre. While discussing things an arsonist named George Tweedle (aka The Arson Fiend) tries to set the centre on fire, and at first everyone looks at Mick, who just says, "It wasn't me!" Once they capture him, Billy mentions how the centre has had problem with certain people trying to destroy it. Billy tells him the story of how he lost his folks, how his uncle Ben Batson stole his inheritence, had him declared legally dead (forging documents to make it appear he'd been on the same trip that killed his family) and left him homeless. Despite this, Billy has spent a lot of time in libraries (where it's warm in the winter), using books and the eventual internet connection he was able to obtain to gain the equivalent of a highschool education. When asked why he didn't try to bring the law against him, Billy simply says that he was eight years old when it happened originally and he didn't have any resources to bring against him. Now that he was older, he really didn't care. His uncle was an old man with no joy in his life, and supposedly much of his investments had gone bad. Billy was happy where he was, trying to make things better for folks in a similar situation.

The group decides to do some investigating while keeping close to Billy, and it's revealed that Ben Batson is responsible for the attempts at destroying the centre. It turns out Ben owns the property and the surrounding buildings and is trying to destroy them for several reasons. One is to collect on the insurance money to pay off some criminals he owes money to, as the money he'd swindled Billy out of had gone into some illegal investments. The second is to try and silence Billy now that he's become a minor celebrity. The heroes fight some criminals and eventually expose Ben Batson, Felicity helps Billy regain his old life and gain legal emancipation and his old home, with Billy able to find work for the local WHIZ News and Entertainment group, after passing his GED tests to prove he's got the proper education for the job. Ollie also works with other local leaders to help put into motion the building of a proper community centre, which Billy will have a role in. All of this is set up for

Vixen and John Constantine show up at about this point, Ollie having called them in due to the magical nature of this threat. Both Vixen and Constantine can feel the 'mark' Shazam has placed on Billy, showing that the wizard has indeed chosen this young man to receive his power. Constantine begins working on a ritual to help mask Billy from other mystics, at the same moment they get a communication from the other heroes that Black Adm just beat the tar out of them and is on his way. Team Arrow and Allies try to stall Adam until Constantine completes the ritual, after which the heroes again beat a hasty retreat. Part 2 ends with Black Adam raging and destroying parts of the city while Mr. Tawny gets to meet Billy for the first, telling him that it's time for Billy to meet the Wizard.

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Part 3 opens up on Legends of Tommorrow, where all of the assembled heroes are in the Waverider, discussing what needs to be done. Black Adam will be coming for Billy, and eventually the Wisdom aspect of Adam's power will let him see through the cloaking spell Constantine did. Further, if they delay too long, Shazam will expire before he can give Billy his powers, and then they're all screwed. It's decided that Mr. Tawny and Constantine will bring Billy to the Wizard, while the rest of the heroes will delay Adam as long as they can.

As they say this, the Waverider suddenly gets knocked from the sky and starts to crash. Constantine realizes that part of the Wisdom aspect of Adam's power is the ability to sense magic, and while he can't detect Billy, he can detect Constantine, Vixen and Mr. Tawny, which lets Adam detect the Waverider. The ship crashlands near some place conducive to cool action scenes, and the Flash speeds Billy, Constnatine and Mr. Tawny away while the heroes do their best to stall Adam. This time they opt for a variety of hit-and-run tactics, using Adam's arrogance, pride and power against him, rather than just meeting him head on. They can slow Adam, some like Firestorm can even hurt him, but generally speaking they don't have a prayer of actually stopping him.

Meanwhile, Barry brings the trio to a subway station Constantine specifies, before superspeeding back to join the fight. They do the magical subway car ride to the Rock of Eternity where they are all brought before the wizard. Shazam explains who he is, and what he is offering Billy: godlike power, along with a life of near constant danger in the service of his fellow man, to defend them from that which they cannot defend themselves, and to inpire in them hope for a better tomorrow. Billy listens to this, and realizes that if he doesn't accept this responsibility, then this immense power will be solely Black Adam's, there will be no defense against him and the world will no longer have the protection the wizard offered. Constantine remarks that the wizard could just give John the powers, but everyone ignores him. Billy then asks the wizard a simple question: "Why me?"

A flashback showcases when Adam was a young, noble warrior, a truly good man of a propserous kingdom. Shazam picked him for the qualities he had, but over time, Adam's pride grew. He began to see himself as a god, to lose empathy for normal people, and sought to set himself up as the ruler of all Egypt. Shazam sees in Billy Batson everything good he'd seen in Adam, but he also sees a humility, a deep connection with humanity that will cause Billy to return to his mortal form again and again, using the power only when needed, instead of remaining powered up all of the time. Billy is someone who Shazam can trust with the powers of a god, because Billy will willing choose to return to being a normal man.

With that question answered, Billy accepts the wizard's offer. Shazam then bades Billy to speak his name, at which point we get the first transformation sequence of the lightning striking Billy and him transforming into:

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Return to where the heroes are facing Black Adam, who has started to get the better of them. Captain Marvel, Constantine and Tawny arrive, and Cap takes on Adam as an equal. However, Adam is the more experienced warrior and Billy is having a tough time of it. Shazam's comments about a god willingly becoming a man echo in his mind, so he manages to get Adam in a full nelson before saying 'SHAZAM!' again. The lightning strikes, but passes through Adam on its way to Billy, returning them both to their mortal forms. Adam opens his mouth to speak, but his voice becomes raspy, and suddenly he ages decades, becoming a wizen old man, falling into a coma. The ghost of Shazam appears before the assembled, looking down at Adam with a mixture of regret and parental affection, clearly regretting what has been forced to happen. The ghost gathers Adam up in his arms and lets them know he will be taking Adam to the Rock of Eternity, hopefully to rest forever. He congratulates Billy on his first victory, and wishes him good fortune in the adventures yet to come.

Billy says, "Thank you, Shazam-" and gets struck by lightning again, commenting as Captain Marvel that he needs to be careful about saying that word. The heroes all talk for a bit, we get some character interaction before we get this nice shot of everyone departing, Arrow swinging away, the Flash brunning off in a flash of light, the Waverider taking off and flying away, and cutting to Captain Marvel flying at the viewer, the last shot being his chest emblem.

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That's the basic idea. I realize I need some kind of stinger at the end, and what immediately strikes me is some scene with Dr. Sivana or Mr. Mind, either eliminating Ben Batson as a loose end or approaching Vandal Savage for a team up.

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Re: Random Ares Post Collection

Post by Ares » Tue Feb 04, 2020 5:58 pm

A hypothetical fight between Dr. Doom and Godzilla

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In his castle in Latveria, Victor Von Doom brooded.

The last month had been a mix of triumphant exultation and bitter disappointment. And it had all started when that damned lizard had shown up.

Three weeks ago, Godzilla had shown up on the borders of his nation. Apparently the monster had been drawn to the new experimental reactor Doom had been testing, the unique energies calling to the nuclear furnace the creature used for a heart. The monster had met with defenses designed by Dr. Doom himself, but though it slowed the creatures advance considerable, they did not stop Godzilla's forward progress. Like the Juggernaut, once Godzilla started moving towards a goal, few things could stop him.

Doom proved to be one such thing. The time his defenses had given him had allowed Doom to reconfigure the various control systems for the plant (an adventure with Superman, Spider-Man and the Parasite had shown him the value of triple redundancy safeguards) into a weapon against Godzilla. Devices meant to halt all types of nuclear processes (both fusion and fission) were hastily transformed into energy weapons that slowed those same processes within the giant monster itself, slowing and weakening it further. So much so that Doom was able to personally deliver the final blow and send Godzilla sprawling across the landscape. Doom vividly remembered the hatred in the creature's eyes as he stood on one of its cheeks, triumphant over even a monster such as this.

Still, Doom knew he could not contain such a creature for long. Not without diverting unacceptable amounts of resources to the task. So instead, he used a bit of technology based on when he'd had control of the Purple Man, injecting Godzilla with a virus that made even this creature's mind vulnerable to Doom's control. And he gave it a simple command.


"Travel to New York City. Devastate it. Prioritize any superheroes you encounter. Especially THAT ACCURSED RICHARDS!"

It worked like a charm. The monster attacked New York when heroes such as Thor, the Hulk, Hercules and Wonder Man were elsewhere, requiring the less powerful heroes to use whatever resources they had to slow the creature down. In the end, none of them could stop Godzilla, and all of them lay beaten and bruised at the creature's massive feet. It was then that Doom showed himself, preparing to at last eliminate several of his rivals once and for all.

But as much as it galled Doom to admit it, he had miscalculated. At the sight of him, Doom saw the same hate in the creature's eyes that he had seen when he'd bested it. That hate allowed it to burn out the virus in its systems sooner than anticipated, allowing it to attack him. It overwhelmed his defenses and would have killed him had he not had several cloaked ships target the creature with the same energy weapons that had subdued it before. Even these were not as effective, the creature having adapted to them in some fashion, but it allowed Doom to escape.

Escape. That word burned Victor worse than had the monsters atomic breath, something Victor's personal force field had barely allowed him to survive. Even as he sat in his throne, his armor was healing the damage that he'd suffered, giving him time to think.

Godzilla had, naturally, wondered off from New York once it was free, leaving the heroes to begin repairing the damage to the city. Doom had been forced to discontinue his reactor for fear of drawing the creature to him again.


"Still," Doom mused allowed, "It was not a completely wasted endevor. I have a weapon that can defeat such monsters, and a means to control them, both of which require only a little refinement to perfect. Still, even Doom must admit that a mistake was made."

He clicked a switch in his throne, and hidden holographic projectors throughout the room suddenly sprang to life, generating a translucent image in the center of the room. The image was massive, taking up nearly all available space. It was a dragon, one whose size dwarfed even Godzilla. Golden in color, with massive wings, two tails and three menacing heads.

As this image of King Ghidorah roared, beneath his mask, the broken lips of Victor Von Doom smiled.
"My mistake was in picking the wrong monster."

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Re: Random Ares Post Collection

Post by Ares » Tue Feb 04, 2020 10:39 pm

And now, a musical interlude*:

Why this spell is somatic
It's systematic
It's pyromatic
Why it's chain lightning (chain lightning)
I'm going to cast a spell to deal with all those stupid clods
Oh yeah
(Keep casting whoa keep casting )
We'll get three silver pins, a bit of fur and crystal rod
(I'll get the items I'll try to get the items)
With sparks all over my hand they'll have no way to defend,
I get my wizard on their last hit point is gone
From Chain Lightning
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go
Go chain lightning you're burning up the orcish horde
(Chain lightning go chain lightning)
Go chain lightning I cast you via magic word
(Chain lightning go chain lightning)
You are supreme the orcs'll scream at chain lightning
Lightning, lightning, lightning
Lightning, lightning, lightning
Lightning

*sung to Greased Lightning from the musical Grease

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